Stay Alive
Reviewed by Brenna on June 11, 2006
Before you die, you see . . . a notable 16th Century Hungarian countess magically transported from her home in the Carpathian Mountains to an 18th Century plantation in New Orleans and wielding an elaborate pair of very spooky scissors.
Similar to 2002's box office success The Ring, the movie Stay Alive, written by William Brent Bell and Matthew Peterson and directed by Bell, revolves around a cursed media item, in this case a multiplayer video game. And as everyone who has been anywhere near a television in the week leading up to the movie's opening date will know, "If you die in the game, you die for real." The film chronicles the horror that ensues as characters are stalked by the final boss of the title-yielding Stay Alive, a game of such awesome supernatural power that over the course of the movie, it manages to migrate effortlessly from PC to PS2 console and back again.
The plot of this opus is relatively simple. Flanked by a platoon of CGI minions, mostly the mutilated, twitching zombie corpses of ten-year-old girls, Elizabeth Bathory, the Blood Countess of Csejthe, wreaks havoc on the modern-day world of "underground beta-testing." Throughout the film, Bathory's sinister approach is heralded by incessant and very atmospheric shots of dropped Dualshock controllers and empty doorways.
This chilling extravaganza is tempered with comic relief, provided by Frankie Muniz and Jimmi Simpson, who together share the responsibility of carrying every gaming stereotype ever conceived. Simpson satisfies the role of crass, unkempt misanthrope, while Muniz supplies awkwardness, a cracking voice, a sun visor and some genuine acting ability.
Furnishing the requisite sex appeal are The O.C.'s Samaire Armstrong, a girl who seems to have wandered onto the set from a nearby Urban Outfitters commercial and then become unable to find her way back, and One Tree Hill's Sophia Bush. While both girls are fittingly wide-eyed, Armstrong is the better screamer. What no one seems particularly concerned with is that the likelihood of either girl voluntarily touching an analog controller in real life is remote in the extreme.
Protagonist of the whole mess, Hutch MacNeil, is portrayed by Jon Foster, an actor who has risen quickly from playing an unidentified gas station attendant in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines to playing an identified but forgettable white-collar gamer. Complete with a troubled past and copious flashbacks to the horrors of his childhood, which include a flaming NES controller, Foster battles his demons, a minefield of plot holes, and a villainess who can only be repelled by one thing: flower petals. Suffice it to say, Stay Alive yields little more than raised eyebrows and unintended snickers. And, ah yes, who can forget that searing image of the smoldering NES controller of youth?
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