Snakes on a Plane
Reviewed by David on August 20, 2006
Snakes on a Plane effectively combines our two greatest fears: public restrooms and being bitten on the genitals by venomous snakes. Of the many things you could say about Snakes on a Plane, it certainly doesn't disappoint. It's impossible to not like this movie, as it delivers everything it promises: a plane and some snakes.
Asian baddie Eddie Kim and his minions unleash hundreds of vipers onto a commercial jetliner to kill a witness to their latest murder. Not to be outdone, the cops also employ a token Asian good guy. Has it really come to this? We can't enjoy random snake violence without being reminded that not all Asian people are serpent-crazed evil-doers? Luckily, this earnest life-lesson is brief and the film quickly returns to senseless snake killings.
The snake terrorists, armed with Snake-Vision (reminiscent of the Predator's infrared eye-sight), take over the plane by cutting critical subsystems like air conditioning. The passengers, suitably distracted by the heat, are easy pickings. Despite valiant efforts, not even the elderly flight attendants can fend them off. One nearly-retired attendant absurdly compares herself to the armed forces and her "second tour of duty." Apparently this isn't the first time she's faced down an invading snake army with nothing but soda water and stale pretzels.
Shockingly, the only real problem with this movie is that it's not bad enough. At times, it feels like director David R. Ellis isn't fully committed to making a truly terrible film. Snakes on a Plane makes liberal use of absurd situations but doesn't go far enough. If you're going to give the snakes Snake-Vision, why not include a scope and radar system? Why not just let the snakes land the plane?
If there is a sequel to this movie, the dolts on the Internet lusting to hear Samuel L. Jackson swear at the snakes should be kept well clear of the script. Sure enough, he delivers the line they were waiting for but ultimately it feels rather forced. Actually, maybe the script should be written by the bloggers. That's a sure-fire way to make a truly great bad movie.
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